Wedding Traditions You Can Skip (Or Keep—You Do You!)
Okay, KIDDING, but, real talk: we've all had opinions about other people's weddings, right?! Maybe you cringed at the garter toss, questioned the bouquet throw, or wondered why they included traditions that felt outdated or just not... them.
But now it's YOUR turn to make the calls. And here's the liberating truth: you don't have to follow a single wedding tradition if it doesn't resonate with you.
After coordinating countless weddings, I've seen couples break every "rule" in the book and create celebrations that were uniquely theirs. The most memorable weddings aren't the ones that checked every traditional box—they're the ones where couples were brave enough to skip what didn't feel authentic.
So what will it be for you?
Do I Have to Follow Wedding Traditions? What Wedding Traditions Can I Skip?
And if you want even more ideas, check out our other blog for Unexpected Wedding Ideas and
Ready to dive in and make your budget count?
Here are 12 age-old traditions for you to consider in your wedding planning process:
1. Tossing the Bouquet (Or Even Having Bouquets at All)
The tradition: Single women gather on the dance floor, the bride tosses her bouquet, and whoever catches it is supposedly "next to marry."
Why you can skip it: Some guests find it uncomfortable—being singled out for being unmarried, competing for a bouquet in front of everyone, or feeling pressured to participate. Plus, you might want to keep your expensive bouquet!
Fun fact: The tradition of bouquets originally came from covering a woman's body odor back in the day before regular bathing was common. Lol. But they ARE certainly gorgeous, so do what suits you.
Alternatives:
Hand your bouquet to someone special (grandma, your mom, a friend going through a hard time)
Do an anniversary dance instead and gift flowers to the longest-married couple
If you do decide to do a bouquet toss, ask your florist to prepare a toss bouquet.
2. The Wedding Garter Toss
The tradition: The groom removes the bride's garter (often with his teeth—yikes) in front of all guests, then tosses it to single men.
Why you can skip it: Let's be honest, this tradition makes a lot of people uncomfortable. It can feel awkward, outdated, and unnecessarily sexual in front of your grandparents and coworkers.
The truth: Coordinating an event around the wedding garter is not a necessity, so don't fret over thinking it's a MUST to incorporate. Most modern couples skip this entirely, and no one misses it.
If you find it fun: Then go get 'em! Just make sure you're both comfortable with the theatrics.
3. Inviting Guests Out of Obligation
The tradition: Inviting distant relatives you haven't spoken to in years, your parents' coworkers, or anyone you feel "obligated" to include.
Why you can skip it: Ooh, don't get me started on this one! Your wedding guest list should include people who matter to you NOW—at this specific time in you and your partner's lives together.
Permission granted: You don't owe anyone an invitation just because:
They invited your parents to their wedding 30 years ago
They're a distant relative you've met twice
Your mom works with them
They invited you to their wedding (you're allowed to decline that invite too!)
How to handle pressure: "We're keeping our wedding intimate with just our closest friends and family." You don't need to justify or explain further.
4. Having Children at Your Wedding
The tradition: Inviting guests' children and having a family-friendly celebration.
Why you can skip it: Budget constraints, venue limitations, wanting an adult atmosphere, or simply preferring an adults-only celebration are all valid reasons.
How to communicate this kindly: Just be gentle with how you announce it. Something like: "Although we adore your children, due to budget/space constraints, we ask that only adults attend." Or simply address invitations to adult names only without "and family."
Be consistent: Don't make exceptions unless they're your own children or in the wedding party—selective child-free policies create hurt feelings.
The flip side: If having kids there matters to you, embrace it! Provide a kids' table, activities, or even childcare so parents can enjoy themselves.
The whole point of wedding planning is stretching your budget on the things that actually matter. We never want you feeling stressed or overwhelmed like this! Want some guidance on budgeting as you plan?
5. Having Your Maid of Honor Organize Your Bachelorette Party
The tradition: Your MOH plans a surprise bachelorette party for you.
Why you can skip it: This tradition sounds GREAT in theory, but if you aren't a lover of surprises, have a specific vision, or know your MOH is busy/stressed, by all means—plan your own celebration!
Modern alternatives:
Collaborate with your MOH on planning so it's not a surprise but still feels special
Plan it yourself if you enjoy this
Skip the traditional bachelorette and do something low-key (spa day, dinner, weekend trip)
Combine bachelor/bachelorette into one co-ed celebration
No shame in planning your own: You know what you want, what your budget is, and what will be fun for your friend group. Take the reins if that feels right.
6. Following the Traditional Wedding Day Schedule
The tradition: Getting ready → ceremony → cocktail hour → reception → dinner → dancing → exit
Why you can skip it: Want to do couples yoga in the morning? Swing by your favorite brunch spot at 11 AM? Skip the nighttime party and make it a daytime celebration with lawn games at the lake? The possibilities are endless.
Non-traditional timeline ideas:
Brunch wedding that ends by 3 PM
Late afternoon ceremony (5 PM) → straight to dinner and dancing
All-day celebration with activities spread throughout
Cocktail hour BEFORE the ceremony (yes, really!)
Two-day wedding weekend with different events
The only rule: Make sure your timeline makes sense logistically and that guests know what to expect. Want guidance building your timeline? We offer this in all of our services and can’t wait to help!
7. Doing a First Dance
The tradition: The newly married couple shares their first dance as a married couple while all guests watch.
Why you can skip it: If staying on rhythm in front of hundreds of people terrifies you, then skip the heck out of it.
The truth: This tradition was very special to me personally, but plenty of couples dread being the center of attention for 3-4 minutes while everyone stares.
Alternatives:
Invite all couples to join you after 30 seconds (less pressure!)
Do a choreographed dance that's fun and takes the pressure off being "romantic"
Skip the formal first dance and just dance together naturally later
Have your DJ invite everyone to the dance floor immediately
8. Having Your Parents Pay for the Wedding
The tradition: The bride's parents cover wedding costs.
Why you can skip it: Modern couples often pay for their own weddings, or split costs among multiple parties.
Important conversation: If family offers to gift you with funds, that is wonderfully generous. However, it's crucial to have clear conversations upfront before booking vendors to keep expectations under control.
Questions to address:
How much are they contributing? Is it a gift or a loan? Does their contribution come with expectations about guest list, vendors, or decisions?
Avoid this scenario: Parents promise to contribute, you book vendors accordingly, then they pull back funding or try to control decisions. Set boundaries early.
Modern approach: Many couples pay for their own weddings entirely, giving them complete creative control and avoiding family dynamics around money.
9. Wearing a Veil
The tradition: Brides wear a veil during the ceremony, often lifted by the groom.
Why you can skip it: This can be a beautiful accessory, but it may not fit the vibe for some brides. Don't feel obliged to wear one just because it's "traditional."
Alternatives:
Fresh flower crown or hair accessories
Statement earrings or hairpiece
Nothing at all—just gorgeous hair
Wear it if: It makes you feel beautiful, matches your dress style, or has sentimental meaning (like wearing your mom's veil).
10. Having Matching Bridesmaids (Or Bridesmaids at All)
The tradition: All bridesmaids wear identical dresses in the same color.
Why you can skip it: Are you sensing the theme around here yet? Just do what screams YOU.
Modern alternatives:
Mismatched bridesmaids dresses in the same color family
Let bridesmaids choose their own dresses within guidelines (color, length, formality)
Skip bridesmaids entirely—just have witnesses sign your license
Have a "maid of honor" only
Include friends and family in other ways (readings, ushers, planning help)
The truth: Your closest friends will still love and support you without matching dresses and formal roles.
11. Wearing "Something Old, New, Borrowed, Blue"
The tradition: Victorian-era superstition for good luck.
Why you can skip it: It's a sweet tradition if it feels meaningful, but you're not going to jinx your marriage by skipping it.
Keep it if: You love the sentimental aspect or your mom/grandma wants to share something borrowed or old.
12. Having a Receiving Line
The tradition: The wedding party and parents line up after the ceremony to greet every guest.
Why you can skip it: They're time-consuming, create bottlenecks, and you'll see everyone at the reception anyway.
Better approach: Greet guests during cocktail hour or make rounds at dinner tables instead.
The Most Important Question to Ask
Throughout your wedding journey, remember to ask yourselves: "Is this US?"
This question will help legitimize each and every decision you make. If the answer is yes—embrace that tradition! If it's no—skip it without guilt. Need help figuring out which traditions to keep and which to skip? Let's talk. As wedding planners, we help couples design celebrations that feel authentically THEM—whether that means honoring every tradition or breaking all the rules. 💫
Behind the Scenes Events specializes in luxury wedding planning and coordination for couples who want to be guests at their own weddings. After coordinating hundreds of weddings, we know what busy couples need: expert guidance, stress-free planning, and seamless execution.
Serving North Dakota & Beyond Since 2019