9 Questions to ask your wedding officiant

Your wedding officiant plays one of the most important roles on your big day—without them, your marriage wouldn't legally begin. Whether you're considering a family member, a pastor you admire, or a professional officiant, asking the right questions ensures you choose someone who's the perfect fit for your ceremony style and needs.

Why Your Officiant Choice Matters

As a wedding planner, I've stood at the back of countless ceremonies—and let me tell you, the difference between a great officiant and a not-so-great one is night and day. I've watched ceremonies where guests were moved to tears by an officiant who truly knew the couple and told their story beautifully. I've also witnessed awkward moments where an unprepared officiant fumbled through generic scripts, mispronounced names, or rushed through the most important moment of the day.

This person will set the tone for your entire ceremony. They'll share your love story, guide you through your vows, and create the emotional foundation for your marriage. Take time to find someone who understands your vision and can bring it to life authentically.

Whoever you choose, there are some important questions to ask, and consider prior to booking:

9 Questions to Ask Before Booking

1. What are your fees, and what's included?

If you're hiring a professional officiant, understand their complete pricing structure. Do they charge extra for the rehearsal? Pre-wedding counseling sessions? Travel beyond a certain radius? Get everything in writing to avoid surprise costs.

2. Do you lead the ceremony rehearsal?

This is crucial if you're not hiring a wedding coordinator. Someone needs to guide your wedding party through the processional order, positioning, and timing. If your officiant doesn't offer this service, you'll need to assign it to someone else or consider hiring a coordinator for rehearsal coverage.

3. What will you wear?

Some officiants have a standard look (clerical robes, business attire), while others are flexible. If you want them to match your wedding aesthetic or wear your wedding colors, ask upfront if they're comfortable with that.

4. Do you have a backup officiant?

Emergencies happen—illness, family crises, weather delays. Professional officiants should have a backup person they can call if they're unable to make it. This gives you peace of mind that your ceremony will happen regardless of unforeseen circumstances.

5. Do you offer premarital counseling?

If faith-based guidance or relationship preparation is important to you, ask if they provide counseling sessions. Some officiants require this as part of their services, while others offer it as an optional add-on.

6. Can we personalize our ceremony?

Every couple is different. Ask how flexible they are with ceremony structure, whether you can write your own vows, include cultural or religious traditions, add readings or rituals, or remove elements you don't want. The best officiants collaborate with you to create a ceremony that feels authentically yours.

7. Will we have meetings to get to know each other?

Your officiant should want to know your story—how you met, what you love about each other, and what makes your relationship special. Ask how many prep meetings they typically schedule and whether they're in person, virtual, or via questionnaire.

8. How long are your ceremonies typically?

Ceremony length varies widely—some are 15 minutes, others 45+ minutes. Discuss your vision (short and sweet vs. longer and more detailed) to ensure you're aligned. This also helps with timeline planning and guest expectations.

9. Will you help us obtain and file our marriage license?

This is one of the most overlooked but critical questions. Clarify:

• Do they provide guidance on obtaining your license?

• Will they hold onto it for safekeeping after rehearsal?

• Do they file it with the county after your ceremony, or is that your responsibility?

Important: In most states, your marriage license must be filed within 5 days after your ceremony. If your officiant doesn't handle this, assign it to someone reliable or add it to your post-wedding checklist. If working with us for coordination or planning services, this is something we’ll handle for you.

Choosing Between Professional vs. Personal Officiants

Professional Officiant:

• ✓ Experienced with ceremony flow and timing

• ✓ Comfortable speaking in front of crowds

• ✓ Usually has backup options

• ✗ Less personal connection to you

Friend or Family Member:

• ✓ Deeply personal and meaningful

• ✓ Knows your story intimately

• ✗ May be nervous or inexperienced

• ✗ Getting ordained online doesn't mean they know how to lead a ceremony

If you choose a friend or family member, I especially recommend hiring a wedding coordinator to guide the rehearsal and keep your ceremony running smoothly. Your loved one can focus on the emotional, meaningful parts while we handle the logistics, timing, and coordination behind the scenes.

Red Flags to Watch For

• Unwilling to personalize or collaborate on ceremony content

• Doesn't ask questions about you as a couple

• Vague about pricing or what's included

• No backup plan for emergencies

• Doesn't discuss marriage license logistics

• Makes you feel uncomfortable or judged

Trust your gut. Your officiant should make you feel supported, excited, and confident about your ceremony.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Before meeting with officiants, discuss these with your partner:

• What tone do we want? (Traditional, modern, religious, spiritual, lighthearted)

• How long should our ceremony be?

• Do we want to write our own vows?

• Are there specific rituals or traditions we want to include?

• Is religious or spiritual content important to us?

Having clarity on your vision makes it easier to find the right match.

Ready to Find Your Perfect Officiant?

You've got this! Choosing your wedding officiant is an important decision, but armed with these questions, you'll find someone who creates a ceremony that's meaningful, personal, and perfectly YOU.

And hey, if you're feeling overwhelmed by all the vendor decisions and logistics, that's exactly what we're here for. We know the best officiants in the area and can help match you with someone who'll make your ceremony unforgettable.

Need help choosing your wedding vendors or coordinating your big day? Let's chat—we'd love to take the stress off your plate so you can actually enjoy the planning process. 💫

xo, megan

Behind the Scenes Events specializes in luxury wedding planning and coordination for couples who want to be guests at their own weddings. After coordinating hundreds of weddings, we know what busy couples need: expert guidance, stress-free planning, and seamless execution.

Serving North Dakota & Beyond Since 2019