How to Answer Rude Questions During Wedding Planning
Let’s face it – people are weird. And they ask weird questions – trust us.
Of course, you’ll hear “congratulations!” “When is the wedding?” or “let me see the RING” plenty, but you perhaps haven’t prepared for the rude or flat-out annoying questions some people may ask. Whether out of oblivion, curiosity, or who knows what - these questions may come up. Just remember that the person hopefully didn’t intend to frustrate or annoy you – they maybe just panicked and didn’t know what else to say (boy, have we all been there!)
Our goal? To help remind you to not take it personal, and to be able to respond well. We hope you don’t get stuck in a weird spot answering [dumb] questions, but if you’re left feeling like this – here’s your guidebook.
“Are you sure you’re ready to get married?”
Well, this one is probably coming from someone not married. Perhaps the idea of marriage or forever scares this person (it’s a big deal, we get it!) and they are not ready for marriage. Therefore, they’re surprised, dare I say jealous, that you are. At times we project our own fears onto each other.
What to Say :
“Of course! We are beyond ready to share our commitment to each other with the world.”
"The marriage won't last."
Believe it or not, I received a version of this one. GAHH! The person was discussing second marriages, and after I said that won’t be an option or something, they said “That’s what we all thought too”.
I was left STUNNED and speechless.
In this incident, the person had experienced a short marriage and bad divorce. So, I tried to remember that comments like this are usually a reflection of old traumas and fears, or simply a poor outlook on life.
What to Say :
I wish I could’ve thought on my feet better, I’ll be honest!
Perhaps I could’ve said “It makes me so sad that you have that outlook on marriage, but I have so much confidence in our relationship.” Instead, I probably just sat there in shock. You could also whip out a line like “Well, I sure hope you’re wrong after all this work wedding planning!” and do your best to let it go. Even better – prove em wrong.
“Wow, that’s too long of an engagement!”
Oh, don’t we all love peoples’ opinions? Honestly, people may just not know what else to say when they hear your wedding date. Many people assume a year is the MAX timeframe for whatever reason, and that may be because times (and venues!) have changed.
What to Say :
You chose your wedding timeline for a reason, so show confidence in that! If you feel comfortable, just be honest and share that the vendor(s) were booked, you’re saving money, waiting to graduate, pay off debt, etc. Wedding planning is a whole new ballgame and marriage a HUGE step – we totally get needing to still be a human being amidst planning.
"Your engagement is too short."
Perhaps people are just shocked it’s all happening so fast, but you’re just so ready to be MARRIED. They may be nervous that you won’t get a specific vendor they wanted or that you’ll change your mind on the wedding beforehand.
What to Say :
Thank them for their concerns, but remind them that you’re in love and SO ready to tie the knot. It may also help to let them know that you had been planning a little before the proposal to make sure the wedding can be pulled off.
“You HAVE to have XYZ!”
Oh, how we love others’ expectations. This came up a lot for my friends and I – often when referring to having a veil, or other traditional elements of a wedding.
What to Say :
“I totally love the idea, but I’m not sure it screams us! We’re really working to make our wedding as unique to us as possible, so we have steered away from some traditions”
And side note – you don’t HAVE to do or have anything – it’s your wedding, boo.
"That's a great idea - I’m so gonna do that too!
This one’s tricky! Of course, it means they LOVE your idea, so pat yourself on the back. But naturally, you want to make your wedding unique, and you’ve worked hard to be creative.
What to Say:
Say thank you!! Hopefully you can be honest with your friend and can encourage her to personalize the idea just a tad to fit them. Brainstorm together and work to find something perhaps similar, but just not YOUR idea.
"If this was my wedding…"
Okay okay, everyone loves to talk and we’ve ALL chimed in a time too many before. Depending on what this is about, it’s very likely they’re trying to give advice from a place of love, or they just want to show interest and get involved. However, we all know that this can come off insensitive at times.
What to Say:
Based on what it is about, we recommend keeping it brief. “Thank you so much, what a great idea! We have a specific vision and will have to think about this.”
*When a bridesmaid doesn’t like her dress*
Oh man, I feel for ya if one of your girls isn’t about it. Perhaps, they hope you’ll pick a cheaper option, or they’re just a blunt person.
What to Say:
Ask them what they don’t like about it. Is it too late to change dresses? You want your girls to feel confident on your day, so maybe consider allowing them to choose their own dress, with your guidance.
"Am I invited?"
You guys – I got this one more than I could BELIEVE. And it’s best to be prepared for it. The person just simply wants to be at the party. Who wouldn’t!? Tactless and causes awkwardness? Oh yeahhhh. Excited acquaintance unsure of what else to ask you? Possibly!
What to Say:
I couldn’t advise this more – if they’re not invited to your wedding, just be honest with them. I used to pull the “we are still working on the guest list” BS, and it just wasn’t working. Finally, I overheard my now husband being so kindly honest. “I’m sorry man, we sat down with our parents and had to be very intentional with our list because we have massive families.” The guy took it well and congratulated him, and that was THAT.
You could also bring up that you’re sticking to a tighter budget and are keeping things intimate. Alternatively, you could invite certain people to just the dance.
Trust me when I say – if they don’t react well to your polite honesty, I get why you’re not inviting them. Ope - it appears I’m feeling sassy today!
“I’m going to bring a guest!”
Eek, oh how classic this one is. Honestly, people who haven’t gotten married can be pretty oblivious to how guest lists work, and how tricky they can be.
What to Say:
Of course, spouses and long-term significant others should be invited, but if they’re just bringing a guest to bring a guest and you don’t have room for that, you can try to gently explain. “I’m so sorry we were a little vague, but we sadly don’t have enough room at the venue for every date to bring a guest. I’m so sorry and hope you can understand!” If you feel inclined, you could go into a little detail on how the guest list was very hard for you to narrow down and you had to make intentional decisions on who was there.
"How much did that cost/who is paying for this?"
Is this person also planning their own wedding? They’re probably genuinely curious and are comparing rates. They could also be very impressed with all the thought and details you’ve added or are confused that the two of you could afford such a soiree, or they just forgot how to be a human for a sec. No matter the reason, yes, it’s okay to keep things private.
What to Say:
Unless you're okay sharing, just keep it simple “I’m sorry – that’s between my fiancé and I.” Or you could throw them off with some sarcasm or dramatics: “Oh, we’ll be paying for this thing until we’re 97, but hey, we all need a good party right about now, am I right?”
"I want to make a toast."
They are just so stoked for you two and want everyone to hear how proud they are of you. Or maybe, they are a total extrovert and just want to get up in front of a crowd and get a few laughs.
Is this rowdy uncle Jack? Maybe consider saying you’re honored but are keeping it to just the maid of honor/best man and parents. If you’d like, you could suggest that he speak at the rehearsal dinner. Is this your sweet and lovely grandma? Oh, let her give a toast every hour!
"When are you going to have kids?"
We all do it – we rush onto the next big step of life, and have a hard time showing contentment in the season we’re in.
Side note - I’ve learned to stay away from the baby questions – maybe they’re experiencing infertility and that question could be hard for them to hear.
BUT many people automatically ask this when you’re getting married, because it is the “expected” next step and they’re just excited for you!
What to Say :
If you have a timeline for this and you’re excited and open about it, share away! Otherwise, a simple “We’re excited to be parents someday, but right now we’re focusing on the wedding” will work perfectly.
Go ahead and check out our REEL about this one and have a giggle.
Inspired by the Knot
Looking for someone to be by your side your WHOLE wedding planning journey? We would die to plan your wedding with you and help answer any and ALL questions [awkward & logistical!] that come up! Hit us up, you lovely bride, you.